☮I like this stuff :) Lookit.☮

So therapy went.. Well.. I guess. My therapist asked me if I even like coming to therapy any more, and I really do.. I just have a hard time coming up with things to talk about. Usually I prepare a sort of mental list before I go in, but today I didn’t really have the time. I was too tired from staying up all night, yet again. I really need to cut that out… But anyway, my therapist also said that I seemed anxious or nervous about something… And I was. But I’m not sure what I was nervous about. It was just a weird jittery feeling. I’ve been taking my meds each day.. So I don’t know why I’d feel like that. Maybe it was just from not sleeping… But I dunno.. My therapist is pretty awesome, but it’s hard to come up with things to talk about or keep a conversation flowing when she won’t ask a question or add much in. It’s nice to be able to just vent it all out, but I like feedback other than, “And how did that make you feel?” or, “Why?”.. Maybe they aren’t supposed to do that.. But it’d be cool if she could like, say how she might be able to relate, or something like that. Other days, she seems really interested and she WILL ask questions.. but today she just seemed kinda tired and grumpy. It’s okay though.. Everyone has those days, I guess.

I finally mailed off a kandi (bracelets made of pony beads) trade today. I made all of it SO long ago, and I recieved my friend’s half of the trade forever ago too. I’ve just been too scatterbrained and broke to take it to the post office. I’ve felt kinda bad about it, but I finally got to it today, so I feel better now. I hope he likes what I sent. I forgot to take pics though… Oh well. I’ve got another girl who wants to trade. I just dunno what she wants to do yet. I crank out this crap SO fast.. It’d just be nice to have like, a reason to be making it, or a reason to put a little more effort into it..

OH! Don’t buy those cheap single facial masks from Rite Aid. They suuuuuck. I got one today, and I tried it, and it burned and smelled awful. They’re just cheap. No wonder it was on clearance.. I even thought of that before I bought it.. I was just wondering why that one type was the only one on clearance, but I thought that 75 cents wouldn’t be missed, so I just kinda figured, “Ah, what the hell, why not.” Well. I paid 75 cents to get my face burned.

But anyway, onto some deeper thinking.

I dunno. Usually when I try to start a new journal, I feel the need to explain all about myself before I get really going on it. I’ve just kinda felt more comfortable that way, like the journal would “get to know me” somehow. But then, I’d get about halfway through explaining how I got to my current situation, and then I’d just flake out on it.. I kind of want to try to explain myself, but at the same time, I don’t wanna flake out.. I just know it’ll happen… Maybe I’ll just explain a little at a time each time I post or something.. So, for now, I’ll just let you know that my parents are divorced. They have been since last year, and that’s kind of been one of the biggest sources of my depression problem. It was a rough split. Lots of drama that didn’t need to happen occurred, and it all just happened to spew out of just one person through the whole thing. (I’m still not entirely sure what I’m going to do about naming people through this, so we’ll just leave it at that for now.) Those of you who know me know exactly who I’m talking about. That particular person seems to be the only thing I talk about in therapy most of the time…  I wish it weren’t like that.

My eyes feel heavy. I think I’m gonna take a nap.

But before I go,

Try to figure that out.

Well, here I am. Katy. I stand 5’3 from the ground, and my weight will remain undisclosed. I don’t know why it’s so important to tell you that.

I lay here each night, awake, always, and I’m always finding new things online. Blogging isn’t new, but I’m new to it. I’ve always wanted to get into it, somehow, but it’s just never really clicked. I used to be good at keeping a journal, so I figure this should be close to the same thing.. Only in this one, I can’t really do as much badmouthing about other people, because I’m pretty sure at least one friend will read it. After one reads some smack-talk, then I’ll get really popular… but that’s not why I’m doing this. I like to talk, but I like to have someone listen. I suppose having the wonderful world of the internet listen works, but to be honest, I’ve never really taken the time to dedicate myself to anyone’s blog before. I’ve never even been to tumblr until tonight.. this morning.. whatever you want to call it.

But anyway. I have therapy in less than 5 hours, and I’ve yet to sleep. I didn’t sleep well last night either. I’d like to explain, but I’m not entirely sure how I want to go about naming my friends yet.

I’ve thought that it’d be a good idea to kind of give them codenames, so they themselves will know I’m talking about them, but others will not. But then again, I could just try to be like every other hipster blogging kid and be all vague and strange with my blogs… Really. Each one would be the same. Example:

Eggs in my boots.

Today, my fish ate and I decided to do a dance with some bagpipes. It was quite thrilling until an owl flew in the window and decided to crash the party. Stupid owl.

See what I mean? And I know posts like that are out there. It could be fun to try and translate my experiences into strange stories like that. Maybe I’ll try it with things that I just would really rather not explain…. Yeah… that works.

Anyway.

I hear birds. That means it’s time for me to go to sleep.